Shoot Me Down

I built a fort
I was an expert
I was like a stone itself
I did know how cold I could get

Just that I was born warm-blooded
Born to breathe air
Born to have heart beat
Born to have it bleed

Like the world ruined through
centuries
Like the babies grow til their last breaths
Like the skies turn from bright to dark
There were holes in between my defences

Tried to give it a chance
Put down some layers to give it space
Turned concrete to a shiny glass to be seen
Replaced a frowning statue with a smiling plush toy

'Shoot Me Down' by Marquise de Ville, 2013

And not for long it was shattered with the first fire
Should have tried to make it bulletproof
Not to get it all so visibly pretty to destroy
Thus I swear, I'll replace joy with deploy.

Set It Free

You're everything I thought you never were

Nothing like I thought you could have been

But still you live inside of me

So tell me how is that?

You're the only one I wish I could forget

The only one I love to not forgive

And though you break my heart

You're the only one

You said you've got the most respect for me

But sometimes I feel you're not deserving me

You know there are times that I hate you cause I can't erase

And times that you hurt me put tears on my face

And even now while I hate you it pains me to say

I know I'll be there at the end of the day

Yes, there are times when I hate you but I don't complain

Cause I've been afraid that you would walk away

But now I don't hate you I'm happy to say

That I will be there til the end of the day 

I don't want to be without you

But I don't want a broken heart

Don't want to take a breath without you

I don't want to play that part

I know that I love you but let me just say

I don't want to love you in that kind of way

(Beyonce - "Broken-Hearted Girl)

Though I've been a broken-hearted girl

 The pieces kept coming together

Even when I set my heart free, 

Spread my wings and fly away

I can't seem to get you out of my every inch..

Broken Sweetheart

She was once a little princess
A cheerful sweetheart
She was the one that everyone cared about
She lived in a castle
Where every inch was guarded
Just as much as her body needed to be protected
Her thought of having everything permanently
Died when she turned a young lady
While other princesses partied for their sweet sixteen
Her celebration was a quiet one
with grievance and tears in between
She lost the king and queen
who were guarding her since the beginning
She moved on with life after few misleadings
Tried not to think too much nor to foresee what was coming
Her castle became fragile with fences became nothing
She turned her belief into something
That materials could never work in protecting
She became a stranger in her own world she was living in
She wandered around for years in pretending
That her heart would never be the same again
Or would there ever be another King
Not to provide her unbreakable wall for her safety
The one who would truly care about one thing
Building fences around her only heart
It then got thicker and dissapeared from worlds apart
Another year had passed after more than a decade
Not a single second she would risk for another break
"There's a prince charming for everyone out there"
The King and Queen used to tell her then
Princess smiles everyday come shine or rain
"Oh, what is heart for all that I care.."




I turned another year older, 
granpa, granma. 
I'm doing well now, 
even without another half.
Lord bless you both with lights, 
put you under the starts in the heaven skies.

Swaying Tears

I sang

Gladly I sang

Happily I rhymed

To the tune I chanted

I danced

Gracefully I danced

Joyfully I swayed

To the beat at ease

I smiled

Perfectly wide

Grateful for fortunate ones

To be having love by their side

I sang to the song

I danced to the beat

I smiled to happy faces

I screamed my laughter at best

Thou secretly I cried

For how many prayers

For how many wishes

In hoping for a change

To my unforeseen life

To my written story line..

('Swaying Tears' by Marquise de Ville, Jan 2012)

Flying Like A Paper, High Like A Plane, Landed to A Heart

It's April!!! And I'm still chilling at home doing nothing than enjoying the time..still unemployed and jobless and I'm still the same old lazy-sleepyhead-bump who has been wasting her four months of the year chilling! But I did finish reading a few books and I'm still learning languages and I still workout and go jogging whenever I feel like going hehehe... I've considered daddy's suggestion to continue my master's degree by mid-year or by the end of the year. Just for now, I'll cherish the time reading and writing and sleeping like crazy..as always..duh!
Oh,yes! I'm currently obsessed with Columbian 'bachata' dance and I'm learning the moves and practicing it like a freak! I can't even listen to any bachata beat now because my feet will be trembling and eagerly wanting to move and spin. I have always admired Latin culture and the types of dance they have and I love the art of the sensual dance. It's impressive to see how a guy leads his partner and how they put the trust in each other so that it will make a smooth and sexy dance, and most importantly not to fall from a wrong turn. I'm thinking about taking a dance class but since I already know how to salsa, my friends told me that I just need to practice transforming the steps to a slower motion as bachata is just the slower moves of salsa with more sensual touch between the two parties.
Before I become more and more crazy talking about the dance, I'll let you all know about my main story that I wanted to share earlier..I got this one surprise from someone and I don't know what to answer to his question.
Yes, it's a hardcover paper plane..with a note asking me if I would be his girlfriend. It's pretty cute and it's my first time getting a paper plane with the stand and a purple note since my students used to threw paper planes all over the class during my teaching practicum last year. I never thought this guy would be this sweet and thoughtful. I never thought he was the kind of guy that put his effort in this kind of stuff..I mean he really spent time cutting and assembling this stuff just to tell me how sincere he is to me. I couldn't stop smiling in shock when I got it last night (but it happened after he went home and I didn't show the excited face in front of him, I have a reputation to be taken care of! Hehe). I still haven't answered to his note and I don't know how I'm gonna do it. I'm not a romantic person and I really don't know if I can make him happy. All I know now is that even the plane flew out of nowhere..I'm glad that it has made its way and landed in my heart..

Ending to A New Beginning

The year has come to its beginning before I could even write about the previous year's ending. It is quite unbelievable how fast time flies leaving all memories to be captured without a single second missed. I am not sure if others feel upset about the year ending, but I don't feel happy either. I had great times and bad times in the whole year but I definitely feel bad that I can't achieve more. I'm a typical thinker, a Scorpion thinker. Well at least I had few chances to use my old passport before it expired and the ran out of pages for the stamps. 2011 has been a tough and exciting year for me. It has turned my travelling interest into a frequent need. It's my unstoppable addiction now that I have resumed it since I stopped quite a while, one or two years ago. I went to a few places to heal my heartbreak from frustrations in life, I found satisfaction again after. Talking about the places, just writing about them reminds me of how amazing the world opens up the understanding of the nature of life through all the senses. Having lunch far on top of the hill facing an active volcano (which is prone to erupt anytime) or just getting stuck to give way for the holy procession in the street of Java island, getting mistaken as one of the escort girls for your Asian look in one of the islands in Andaman Sea, or being treated unfairly for not presenting yourself like a foreigner in a country just less than two hours flight from your home; these have turned myself into someone who appreciates more than life can give. There is nothing I would ever trade for every second that life has offerred. Whatever your resolutions are, whatever you expect from life, live it just like you mean it. Happy New Year.

Just when I thought ; Il N'est Plus La

C'est midnight and I was awake

Eyes still wide opened

Mind tried to stop thinking

Juste un minuit, I whispered

I turned to the clock on the wall

I tried hard not to recall

Just when I thought I am happy

I realised how I miss a company

To do whatever we feel like

Not a particular anyone nor anything

Just a companion but il n'est plus la

Now that the heart is empty

Is there be a space to be filled?

Dans mon coeur but what if it beats?

Would it be safe from harm?

Or it would be le meme?

If it finally ticks would it be deep?

Would there be another light?

Je ne sais pas, ne sais

Would there be another soul?

Would it be smile, or another cry?

Je ne sais pas, il n'est plus la..

('Il N'est Plus La' by Marquise de Ville, Oct 2011)