I was supposed to start a 10-months training for the government service but my body was not feeling so well that my blood pressure was not normal and with all the wedding preparation and the chaos that came with it, I realised I needed a break at least to settle down for a few months before scribbling my life back as a wife later. And like how one storm leads to another, the office was having some issues that they needed to freeze my leave application, my honeymoon leave! So yes I decided to quit on the spot. I needed a week break that I deserved after all the hard work I had put through. Besides, I could not risk everything my parents and family had prepared for and yes I left a week before the wedding. So I had that one option left; the training.
So when we got married in May and left to Europe for our honeymoon, we talked about the next step as I had to leave for the training for the whole 10 months, being apart was the last thing I wanted to do after getting hitched. I would not mind doing it if I was still single though. And one of the rules for the training was not getting pregnant though out, so that was another big point to be considered after getting married.
We did not plan our pregnancy, we thought we wanted to just let things go with the flow, and with all the moving and settling from husband's home to ours, we discussed and I decided to decline the training offer that I already had signed up for. I knew my family would be devastated but I did what I had to do to start my own little life. Husband was being very supportive he said I had all the time to think what I want to do next and he will always be there for me. (of course, he does not have any other choice after marrying me, does he? ;p). He likes having someone to cook his dinner when he gets back to work. So while I planned my next move, I started driving him to and from work everyday.
And there we went after a few weeks, with myself attending a few interviews here and there, getting blurry two lines showing on our pregnancy test kit. So we went for a checkup at a clinic and there it was, a tiny little thing looking like a peanut in my womb. It was like a blessing in disguise, despite my current unemployed situation. It was already tough to get a job in our bad economy, and now with the pregnancy news, for some organisations it would be just a no-no (though all says no to discrimination). They would not risk hiring a pregnant lady just to get her to get paid while she gets on leave.
Anyway, another news came after a week..the commissioner of the training programme contacted saying that they have put my name in the next training programme so I could consider to join after my delivery next year. I was overwhelmed by the fact that I had to leave the baby later but at that moment, I thought at least I had a financial backup for the baby if anything went upside down. Just in case. But still, leaving an infant and missing his/her tiny milestones for the first year? That does not sound very motherly to me. It was like going back to my childhood staying with my grandparents not knowing my father who was in the military.
At that moment I thought I would give up everything because all I ever wanted was to be a stay-at-home mother to my children. But I had to think all over again with the current economy and all the expenses the children would need later. My husband had been wonderful and generous, but of course I would love to contribute and get him some fancy stuff out from my own pocket like I used to.
So what happened after getting heavier with the tiny peanut now a size of a papaya.. I remain a housewife. I did get a number of successful calls but the moment they knew I would be taking a 3-months maternity leave soon, they changed their mind saying 'oh sorry, we do not want to risk your pregnancy with workloads, with outstation tasks, yadaa yadaaa..'. Some even told me I am over-qualified with my master's degree. So husband told me to just take things easy, it is his responsibility anyway. He told me not to think much, he would provide the best he could for his little family. He told me to stop looking for a job and concentrate on taking care of my health and the baby so I could deliver smoothly in a few months time.
You know, it is not all about money or materials that I am worried about, I just feel like I am so not used to asking someone to do things, you know with all those cute tiny stuff for babies, which I think I would have been spending all my salary on them if I still had a job. It is a relief for my husband that I do not spend much for him anymore, how could I? LOL. But so far, with the tiny angel growing inside, we managed to get all essential supplements, attended all check-ups, some unexpected gifts came from our families, husband got promoted and many other blessings that we could never thank of.
So yes, things are not always what they seem. Just believe in His big plans. There is always a reason in every test. Keep praying for the best.
|Tiny peanut at 6 weeks ;)|