Swaying Tears

I sang

Gladly I sang

Happily I rhymed

To the tune I chanted

I danced

Gracefully I danced

Joyfully I swayed

To the beat at ease

I smiled

Perfectly wide

Grateful for fortunate ones

To be having love by their side

I sang to the song

I danced to the beat

I smiled to happy faces

I screamed my laughter at best

Thou secretly I cried

For how many prayers

For how many wishes

In hoping for a change

To my unforeseen life

To my written story line..

('Swaying Tears' by Marquise de Ville, Jan 2012)

Flying Like A Paper, High Like A Plane, Landed to A Heart

It's April!!! And I'm still chilling at home doing nothing than enjoying the time..still unemployed and jobless and I'm still the same old lazy-sleepyhead-bump who has been wasting her four months of the year chilling! But I did finish reading a few books and I'm still learning languages and I still workout and go jogging whenever I feel like going hehehe... I've considered daddy's suggestion to continue my master's degree by mid-year or by the end of the year. Just for now, I'll cherish the time reading and writing and sleeping like crazy..as always..duh!
Oh,yes! I'm currently obsessed with Columbian 'bachata' dance and I'm learning the moves and practicing it like a freak! I can't even listen to any bachata beat now because my feet will be trembling and eagerly wanting to move and spin. I have always admired Latin culture and the types of dance they have and I love the art of the sensual dance. It's impressive to see how a guy leads his partner and how they put the trust in each other so that it will make a smooth and sexy dance, and most importantly not to fall from a wrong turn. I'm thinking about taking a dance class but since I already know how to salsa, my friends told me that I just need to practice transforming the steps to a slower motion as bachata is just the slower moves of salsa with more sensual touch between the two parties.
Before I become more and more crazy talking about the dance, I'll let you all know about my main story that I wanted to share earlier..I got this one surprise from someone and I don't know what to answer to his question.
Yes, it's a hardcover paper plane..with a note asking me if I would be his girlfriend. It's pretty cute and it's my first time getting a paper plane with the stand and a purple note since my students used to threw paper planes all over the class during my teaching practicum last year. I never thought this guy would be this sweet and thoughtful. I never thought he was the kind of guy that put his effort in this kind of stuff..I mean he really spent time cutting and assembling this stuff just to tell me how sincere he is to me. I couldn't stop smiling in shock when I got it last night (but it happened after he went home and I didn't show the excited face in front of him, I have a reputation to be taken care of! Hehe). I still haven't answered to his note and I don't know how I'm gonna do it. I'm not a romantic person and I really don't know if I can make him happy. All I know now is that even the plane flew out of nowhere..I'm glad that it has made its way and landed in my heart..

Ending to A New Beginning

The year has come to its beginning before I could even write about the previous year's ending. It is quite unbelievable how fast time flies leaving all memories to be captured without a single second missed. I am not sure if others feel upset about the year ending, but I don't feel happy either. I had great times and bad times in the whole year but I definitely feel bad that I can't achieve more. I'm a typical thinker, a Scorpion thinker. Well at least I had few chances to use my old passport before it expired and the ran out of pages for the stamps. 2011 has been a tough and exciting year for me. It has turned my travelling interest into a frequent need. It's my unstoppable addiction now that I have resumed it since I stopped quite a while, one or two years ago. I went to a few places to heal my heartbreak from frustrations in life, I found satisfaction again after. Talking about the places, just writing about them reminds me of how amazing the world opens up the understanding of the nature of life through all the senses. Having lunch far on top of the hill facing an active volcano (which is prone to erupt anytime) or just getting stuck to give way for the holy procession in the street of Java island, getting mistaken as one of the escort girls for your Asian look in one of the islands in Andaman Sea, or being treated unfairly for not presenting yourself like a foreigner in a country just less than two hours flight from your home; these have turned myself into someone who appreciates more than life can give. There is nothing I would ever trade for every second that life has offerred. Whatever your resolutions are, whatever you expect from life, live it just like you mean it. Happy New Year.

Just when I thought ; Il N'est Plus La

C'est midnight and I was awake

Eyes still wide opened

Mind tried to stop thinking

Juste un minuit, I whispered

I turned to the clock on the wall

I tried hard not to recall

Just when I thought I am happy

I realised how I miss a company

To do whatever we feel like

Not a particular anyone nor anything

Just a companion but il n'est plus la

Now that the heart is empty

Is there be a space to be filled?

Dans mon coeur but what if it beats?

Would it be safe from harm?

Or it would be le meme?

If it finally ticks would it be deep?

Would there be another light?

Je ne sais pas, ne sais

Would there be another soul?

Would it be smile, or another cry?

Je ne sais pas, il n'est plus la..

('Il N'est Plus La' by Marquise de Ville, Oct 2011)

As Life Goes On

I actually do not have any particular topic nor a story to write, I just find it so difficult to sleep peacefully without mind thinking about my unclear path of the future. I know, I know.. there's always a saying telling 'don't think about the future and live the present..' and such, but it is just what I do with the brain God has created, I think. I do that deeply. I have been struggling to juggle the life I have no choice but to survive these days. I skipped a few lessons after wrk as I got sick and I still try to think positively at work even without the giggles of children around. I miss watching toddlers smiling at me, as if they are trying to say 'everything is going to be okay'. But I cannot complain much though, as it is not easy to perform my best when I have a few tasks to be done in a little time.

So I hope what I have decided is the best decision for now. And thinking about getting an offer for a job in an embassy is always a good thing, not everyone can get in easily. I did. And I shall be grateful for the opportunity. Even though the workload is totally different ( which is 70 % less than in my previous company), at least I get to come home earlier than others with the same pay and get to finish my homework and attend classes with the convenient working hours. Life is tough, never easy. Why complain much, si?

I just hope things will workout for me as I am fully responsible for every step that I take. Come to think about it, the year is coming to its third quarter. May this Holy month of Ramadhan bring the most of the blessings to get me through the days. Ramadhan Kareem to all the muslims in the world, wherever you are. Goodnight.

Catch Upon The Stars

'Is this a lasting treasure
or just a moment of pleasure?'

I always ponder the question whenever I catch the stars upon my sleepless nights. Like tonight. At this very moment. As I was nagging and babbling to myself about unlucky things I have faced, I wondered how people deal with the worst things that happened in their lives. I shouldn't complain much, at least I have a good life, enough to survive. So crazy is this thing called life, now that you've got everything that you need, you tend to give up just because you can't get the things that you want. I have never myself understood how funny emotion reacts to physical needs that actually never even make sense if they don't exist. Why ask for a lifesaver when you have been swimming alone all this while?

Clean and Clear

Don't go
Don't leave
Don't ever turn your back on me
Don't say that you don't want me
Don't smile
Don't cry
Don't say a word to me
Don't throw the look at me
Don't forgive
Don't apologise
Because it it time
That I am leaving you behind