Ending to A New Beginning

The year has come to its beginning before I could even write about the previous year's ending. It is quite unbelievable how fast time flies leaving all memories to be captured without a single second missed. I am not sure if others feel upset about the year ending, but I don't feel happy either. I had great times and bad times in the whole year but I definitely feel bad that I can't achieve more. I'm a typical thinker, a Scorpion thinker. Well at least I had few chances to use my old passport before it expired and the ran out of pages for the stamps. 2011 has been a tough and exciting year for me. It has turned my travelling interest into a frequent need. It's my unstoppable addiction now that I have resumed it since I stopped quite a while, one or two years ago. I went to a few places to heal my heartbreak from frustrations in life, I found satisfaction again after. Talking about the places, just writing about them reminds me of how amazing the world opens up the understanding of the nature of life through all the senses. Having lunch far on top of the hill facing an active volcano (which is prone to erupt anytime) or just getting stuck to give way for the holy procession in the street of Java island, getting mistaken as one of the escort girls for your Asian look in one of the islands in Andaman Sea, or being treated unfairly for not presenting yourself like a foreigner in a country just less than two hours flight from your home; these have turned myself into someone who appreciates more than life can give. There is nothing I would ever trade for every second that life has offerred. Whatever your resolutions are, whatever you expect from life, live it just like you mean it. Happy New Year.

Just when I thought ; Il N'est Plus La

C'est midnight and I was awake

Eyes still wide opened

Mind tried to stop thinking

Juste un minuit, I whispered

I turned to the clock on the wall

I tried hard not to recall

Just when I thought I am happy

I realised how I miss a company

To do whatever we feel like

Not a particular anyone nor anything

Just a companion but il n'est plus la

Now that the heart is empty

Is there be a space to be filled?

Dans mon coeur but what if it beats?

Would it be safe from harm?

Or it would be le meme?

If it finally ticks would it be deep?

Would there be another light?

Je ne sais pas, ne sais

Would there be another soul?

Would it be smile, or another cry?

Je ne sais pas, il n'est plus la..

('Il N'est Plus La' by Marquise de Ville, Oct 2011)

As Life Goes On

I actually do not have any particular topic nor a story to write, I just find it so difficult to sleep peacefully without mind thinking about my unclear path of the future. I know, I know.. there's always a saying telling 'don't think about the future and live the present..' and such, but it is just what I do with the brain God has created, I think. I do that deeply. I have been struggling to juggle the life I have no choice but to survive these days. I skipped a few lessons after wrk as I got sick and I still try to think positively at work even without the giggles of children around. I miss watching toddlers smiling at me, as if they are trying to say 'everything is going to be okay'. But I cannot complain much though, as it is not easy to perform my best when I have a few tasks to be done in a little time.

So I hope what I have decided is the best decision for now. And thinking about getting an offer for a job in an embassy is always a good thing, not everyone can get in easily. I did. And I shall be grateful for the opportunity. Even though the workload is totally different ( which is 70 % less than in my previous company), at least I get to come home earlier than others with the same pay and get to finish my homework and attend classes with the convenient working hours. Life is tough, never easy. Why complain much, si?

I just hope things will workout for me as I am fully responsible for every step that I take. Come to think about it, the year is coming to its third quarter. May this Holy month of Ramadhan bring the most of the blessings to get me through the days. Ramadhan Kareem to all the muslims in the world, wherever you are. Goodnight.

Catch Upon The Stars

'Is this a lasting treasure
or just a moment of pleasure?'

I always ponder the question whenever I catch the stars upon my sleepless nights. Like tonight. At this very moment. As I was nagging and babbling to myself about unlucky things I have faced, I wondered how people deal with the worst things that happened in their lives. I shouldn't complain much, at least I have a good life, enough to survive. So crazy is this thing called life, now that you've got everything that you need, you tend to give up just because you can't get the things that you want. I have never myself understood how funny emotion reacts to physical needs that actually never even make sense if they don't exist. Why ask for a lifesaver when you have been swimming alone all this while?

Clean and Clear

Don't go
Don't leave
Don't ever turn your back on me
Don't say that you don't want me
Don't smile
Don't cry
Don't say a word to me
Don't throw the look at me
Don't forgive
Don't apologise
Because it it time
That I am leaving you behind

Fight For Love

The quarrels of lovers are like summer storms;
everything is more beautiful when they have passed.

- Madame Necker


I love argument, I love debate.
I don't expect anyone just to sit there and agree with me,
that's not their job.

- Margaret Thatcher


Hear one side and you will be in the dark.
Hear both and all will be clear.

- Thomas C. Haliburton

Bringing On The Heartbreak

Parfois, je perd confiance en toi,
et pourtant je voudrai tant te croire
comprend moi, malgre mon amour pur toi
les entendre me fait douter pardonne moi
je cherche pas a te faire fuire,
voit au moins celle que tu veux suivre
mais bebe non ne m'en veux pas
si je cherche a me proteger
par le passe j'ai trop pleure
pourtant je fuis pour oublier
aujourd'hui c'est a tes cotes que je veux avancer



-s'éloignant par Lynshaa

L

Does true love exist?
Or only lust that triggers the relationship?

So Sick

I fall sick a lot lately. The new year has come to the end of the second month and I still can't put the pieces together. I try so hard to catch everything I could that I tend to forget to take good care of the small parts of my life that have been more than good to me. Apologies then;

Brain
Sorry for the unbearable overload
Tummy
Sorry for the uneasy butterflies
Pillow
Sorry for the sleepless tears
Heart
I'm sorry for the severe damage

I won't let them hurt anymore.